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Character

Teddy Bitcoins

Teddy Bitcoins is a memer and the champion of Maxi Madness 2025 — in Richard Greaser‘s crowning, “the champion of Maxi Madness, the the well deserving champion who also is, Swan Bitcoin’s biggest enemy at the moment.”1 The record treats him less as a person than as a load-bearing precedent: the Bugle cites his title whenever it needs to prove that the plebs’ objections do not decide anything.

The 2025 run

He entered the tournament as a nuisance. Rod Palmer read his early progress as evidence of a distracted community — “That’s how Teddy Bitcoins gets to sweet 16 in Maxi Madness. That’s a prestigious round.”2 Rod’s accompanying prediction, argued from thermodynamics, was that Adam Back would endure the bracket indefinitely: “doctor Adam Back will still be in Maxi Madness.”3 He closed the same episode pleading against the upset outright.4

Henry’s note: the plea is transcribed “They’ll let daddy Bitcoins beat Adam Back” — the ASR appears to have inverted “Don’t let.” The beat is flagged rather than corrected.

The prediction did not survive the week. Rod later recited the run as canon: “completely dominated, I mean, he took out Yellow, he took out Lin Alden, he took out Adam Back, and then he took out Sailor in the final.”5 That is Yellow, Lyn Alden — “Teddy Bitcoins defeated the hottest of all, Lyn Alden, in the final four”6 — Adam Back, and Michael Saylor in the championship, where Saylor “sent his simps to the polls and still lost.”7 Saylor was a good sport about it, and is recorded as having considered renaming himself Mikey Bitcoins.8 Rod’s nominative-determinism reading of the whole bracket runs through the same passage: “maybe if Corey changed his name to Corey Bitcoins, maybe he would have beat Matt O’Dell on the first rap” — which also fixes Matt Odell as the man who eliminated Cory Klippsten in round one.

Mid-tournament, he took the bracket hostage live on air: “I will step down from the Bitcoin bugle March Madness race if this address has 5,000,000 sats within the next twelve hours.”9 The address was pulled up on mempool and watched for the rest of the episode. It received nothing.10

Teddy Bitcoins Derangement Syndrome

The title produced a diagnosis. Greaser, reviewing Klippsten’s post-tournament conduct, concluded “it’s like he had Teddy Bitcoins derangement syndrome”11 — a phrase both hosts then applied to every hater in reach, including first-round loser Joe Carlasare.12 Greaser’s later account is that Klippsten and Brady Swenson “were crashing out constantly in my DMs, the whole Maxi Madness,” Klippsten having refused to compete and then lost round one to their nemesis anyway.13 Rod’s canon for the same episode is blunter: the Swan Bitcoin C-suite “was losing their minds crashing out because Teddy Bitcoin’s Jester Max and Maxi Madness.”14

Among the charges was tweet theft, which Rod adjudicated by comparison: “They accused Teddy Bitcoins of stealing their tweets. You know, I think it’s sometimes it’s very obvious like Dan Held steals a very hard work.”15 The distinction he drew is that a photoshopped impact-font meme has an author and a “how Bitcoin fixes this” thread does not — Dan Held remains the universe’s canonical meme thief; Teddy does not qualify.

The Bugle declined to apologize for any of it. “if you’re looking for an apology from us, you will not get that,”16 Rod said, having already offered a mock-sincere one to open the preceding episode: “if if Teddy Bitcoin’s winning Maxi Madness has hurt your feelings. And I I’m very sincere about that.”17

Standing

Junseth, himself knocked out by Saylor, settled the question in the language of an all-time-greats debate: “I think we all know that Teddy Bitcoins is maybe the greatest Maxi of all time.”18 Rod proposed retiring him: “Teddy Bitcoins probably needs a jersey. We’ve probably retired Teddy Bitcoins and do like a ceremony, raise it to the raises to the top with a banner.”19 The number assigned was 23. Nearly a year on, the run is graded against basketball’s ceiling — “Teddy Bitcoins absolutely ran through Maxi Madness and, like, I don’t think we’re ever gonna see it’s like the 1996” Chicago Bulls.20

The title made him a fixed point of Bugleverse chronology. Greaser lists it among the events one tells one’s children about: “I was here when American HODL debated Dieter Bob. I was here when Teddy Bitcoins won Maxi Madness.”21 It also made him hate mail: a boost signing off “Fuck Teddy Bitcoins” arrived weeks after the tournament, Rod glossing him for the audience as “the the Maxi Madness champion who is he’s the scrubbed a lot of Maxi Madness fans the wrong way.”22 The dissenting position is the booster Bubba’s, who named him alongside Jack Dorsey, Saylor, Mike Brock and Matthew Kratter as equally unimportant: “Who the flying flipping fuck is Teddy Bitcoins?”23

He is otherwise recorded as a MicroStrategy shill,24 as the target of Dennis Porter‘s canonical private-jet flex — “He was making fun of Dennis for for flying coach, and Dennis posted a picture of his jet and said, I fly private”25 — and, when Justin Bechler observed that the Core devs are self-appointed and Greaser proposed electing them by Twitter tournament, as the reductio the bit arrives at: should Teddy Bitcoins be a Core dev?26

In February 2026 he built a Claude bot “and then he trained it to to put all its energy towards Jester Maxxing,” producing a reply guy that tormented Tomer Strolight.27

Family

Per a later Bugle retcon, Teddy is one of the bastard Bitcoin sons of “going parabolic” Jason Williams: “But Tim is the third bastard Bitcoin son of going parabolic Jason Williams,” brother to Joey Bitcoins and to Tim B, who “shortened his name to distance himself.”28 The Bugle carries the clan as a standing tournament menace — “you’re waking up your finding out the Bitcoins brothers are still just remaxing.”29

Henry’s note: the beat is medium confidence. Whether “Joey Bitcoins” is Joey Canadian Bitcoin or a separate member of the Bitcoins family unit is unresolved, and the archive should not guess. Tim B — Timothy Bickland — has no page yet. He is a distinct 2026 contestant, and Rod’s “the rise and fall of Timothy Bitcoins” refers to him, not to Teddy.

2026

He returned for Maxi Madness 2026. The tournament’s theme song plays out episode 102 with him name-checked in the ad-lib — “Teddy Bitcoins is in the building.”30 By then his 2025 selection had hardened into settled precedent, cited by Rod to close the meritocracy argument: “the inclusion of petty Bitcoins into Maxi Madison he won because he deserved to be there.”31 The plebs bemoaned his inclusion; he won the whole thing; the archive has no record of the objection being sustained.

Henry’s note: the beat index carries no verified account of how his 2026 title defence ended. A prior revision of this page asserted a play-in-round exit. Nothing in the record supports it, and the nearest candidate passage is about Tim B. It is omitted pending a source.

Footnotes

  1. Bugle Weekly 53 @ 1:24. Greaser also calls him “the world’s villain that was necessary” and credits him with having “single handedly revived Bitcoin Twitter.” ↩

  2. Bugle Weekly 52 @ 17:05. ↩

  3. Bugle Weekly 52 @ 30:58. The premise: “it’s thermodynamically sound to StackSats and not buy bots.” ↩

  4. Bugle Weekly 52 @ 52:47. ASR renders Teddy as “daddy Bitcoins.” ↩

  5. Maxi Madness victory spaces @ 20:34. ASR: “Lin Alden” for Lyn Alden, “Sailor” for Saylor. ↩

  6. Bugle Weekly 91 @ 10:16. ↩

  7. Maxi Madness victory spaces @ 20:34; the line lands at 20:41. ↩

  8. Bugle Weekly 53 @ 24:34. “first rap” is ASR for “first round.” ↩

  9. Behind The Podcast 12 @ 7:21. Rod frames it as an attempt “to take Maxi Madness hostage” (ASR: “Tenney Bitcoins”). ↩

  10. Behind The Podcast 12 @ 7:21; payoff at 46:01 — “it looks like Teddy Bitcoins currently has no Bitcoin in his Azure or his wallet.” ↩

  11. Bugle Weekly 53 @ 14:56. ↩

  12. Bugle Weekly 53 @ 15:49. Badly mangled: “exhibiting tiny Bitcoin arrangements in it was Joe, Carlos” — “Teddy Bitcoins derangement syndrome” and Joe Carlasare respectively. ↩

  13. Bugle Weekly 103 @ 26:45. ↩

  14. Bugle Weekly 99 @ 46:15. ASR: “Teddy Bitcoin’s Jester Max” for jestermaxxing. ↩

  15. Bugle Weekly 53 @ 16:24. “steals a very hard work” is ASR for something like “steals somebody’s hard work.” ↩

  16. Bugle Weekly 53 @ 26:12. He adds that hurt feelings are “kind of why I wake up in the morning.” ↩

  17. Behind The Podcast 12 @ 1:23. ↩

  18. Behind the Podcast 13 @ 2:00. ↩

  19. Behind the Podcast 13 @ 1:57:53. Number 23 assigned at 1:58:08. ↩

  20. Bugle Weekly 103 @ 24:01. “Chicago Bulls” lands in the following cue. ↩

  21. Bugle Weekly 70 @ 14:05. ASR renders Deeter Bob as “Dieter Bob”; American HODL has no page and is a distinct person from British Hodl. ↩

  22. Behind the Podcast 14 @ 1:50:55. ↩

  23. Bugle Weekly 92 @ 47:19. A 5,000-sat boost concluding that all podcasting is “nothing more than God’s Jerry Springer episode.” ASR: “Michael Taylor,” “Michael Brock,” “Matthew Crater.” ↩

  24. Bugle Weekly 63 @ 57:57 — “he’s a micro strategy shill,” in a pleb-category insult draft. Medium confidence: ASR gives “Eddie Bitcoins,” read here as Teddy. ↩

  25. BTP 18 @ 44:58. ↩

  26. Bugle Weekly 63 @ 32:09. Bechler’s “the Cordevs are self appointed” at 32:28; the Teddy reductio at 32:59. ↩

  27. Bugle Weekly 97 @ 20:53. ASR renders Tomer as “Telmer.” ↩

  28. Bugle Weekly 102 @ 1:11. ↩

  29. Bugle Weekly 102 @ 1:30. “you’re waking up your finding out” is ASR for the “fuck around and find out” cadence. ↩

  30. Bugle Weekly 102 @ 51:48. ↩

  31. Bugle Weekly 100 @ 49:21. ASR: “petty Bitcoins,” “Maxi Madison.” ↩