Vitalik Buterin is the co-founder of Ethereum, a self-deprecating tech genius “with his lanky frame and fleeting hair,” and by his own account glad “to be seen as more than just an unregistered securities dealer.”

Arc history

Buterin’s canon debut is romantic: in March 2023 he was spotted holding hands with supermodel Gisele Bundchen at Dumpling Town in New York City, sparking rumors he “was planning to Shanghai more than just the Ethereum chain.” His reaction blended flattery, confusion, and product comparison — “It’s nice to work with something more functional than the Ethereum chain” — and he confirmed the relationship’s fee structure: “She even let me hug her yesterday after I sent her 5 ETH” (Recently Divorced FTX Spokeswoman, Gisele Bundchen, Spotted with Vitalik Buterin). Public commentary centered on the sweatpants photo (“what is Vitalik hiding?”).

irl: The real Buterin co-created Ethereum, whose Shanghai upgrade (staking withdrawals) shipped in April 2023 — the pun the article is built on. The sweatpants photo is a real viral image; the romance is not.