Revision history · Character
Joe Biden
1 revision · first seen 2026-08-12 · last edited 2026-08-12 · 0 by Henry 1 by a human
- bugle-ingest[bot] 2026-08-12 Ingest: 0 new episode(s) — raw sources + transcripts 32a9a2b
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diff --git a/wiki/characters/joe-biden.md b/wiki/characters/joe-biden.md new file mode 100644 index 00000000..a91a5f96 @@ -0,0 +1,101 @@ +--- +title: Joe Biden +type: character +portrait: /portraits/x-joe-biden.jpg +status: confirmed +aliases: [President Biden] +sources: + - raw/news/ted-cruz-denounced-by-core-devs-after-suggesting-to-texify-bitcoin.json + - raw/news/joe-biden-brings-peace-to-inner-city-mempool.json +--- + +**Joe Biden** is the President of the United States and, per his own testimony, a former lifeguard at Baltimore's [[bits/inner-city-mempool|inner city Mempool]], where he brought peace to the blocks in the 1960s. He is under the medical care of [[characters/jill-biden|Dr. Jill Biden]], the Bugleverse's leading climate cardiologist. + +## Arc history + +Biden's first canon appearance was adversarial and secondhand: Senator [[characters/ted-cruz|Ted Cruz]]'s proposed 17.76-megabyte block size was declared symbolic of "fighting the tyranny of Joe Biden and the Democratic party" ([[news/ted-cruz-denounced-by-core-devs-after-suggesting-to-texify-bitcoin|Ted Cruz Denounced By Core Devs]], 2023-03-07). + +He spoke for himself the next day, on stage in Baltimore, recounting his lifeguard years at the Mempool — "a clogged up and tough gig" — including his stare-down of local tough [[characters/cornpop|Cornpop]] ("Listen here, Cornpop, you're not gonna mess with me or the Bitcoin blockchain") and the children who played with his leg hairs while making low-fee, lightweight Ordinal Inscriptions before they got into the blocks. The speech trailed off incomprehensibly at intervals, which the audience attributed to chlorine fumes, and concluded with the President walking toward an ice cream stand before spotting a small child to smell ([[news/joe-biden-brings-peace-to-inner-city-mempool|Joe Biden Brings Peace to Inner City Mempool]]). + +> irl: Joe Biden was the real 46th U.S. President. The Mempool speech remixes his genuine, oft-told stories — the 1962 Wilmington pool lifeguard job, "Corn Pop was a bad dude," and the leg-hair riff — with the mempool (Bitcoin's queue of unconfirmed transactions) and the early-2023 Ordinals inscription craze. The ice cream and sniffing are standard-issue Biden memes. + +## On the timeline + +The Bugleverse accounts kept a running file on the President long after the Mempool speech — sixteen posts across [[orgs/the-bugle|@bitcoin_bugle]], [[characters/rod-palmer|@rodpalmerhodl]], and [[characters/richard-greaser|@GreaserRichard]]. Read together they treat Biden less as a man than as a recurring instrument: a senility gauge, a compliance weapon, and a death-watch clock. + +### The senile president, as a unit of measurement + +The dominant thread is cognitive decline, deployed as a benchmark other things are measured against. Rod Palmer used it to explain why Bitcoin's victory is legible only to the attentive: the phrase "#bitcoin has already won," he argued, "is like 'Joe Biden is senile' — If you've been paying attention you figured it out a long time ago." + +> "'#bitcoin has already won' ..is like 'Joe Biden is senile'" — [@rodpalmerhodl, 2024-07-02](https://x.com/rodpalmerhodl/status/1808275727097213100) + +The decline was tracked in specifics. A signing device became a wallet — + +> "Oh no, President Biden just referred to a signing device as a Bitcoin wallet 🫨" — [@rodpalmerhodl, 2024-07-13](https://x.com/rodpalmerhodl/status/1812176604618957129) + +— and by 2025 the Bugle had settled on the autopen as the true author of the administration, offered as a one-line explanation for any presidential act: + +> "They used Joe Biden's autopen" — [@bitcoin_bugle, 2025-06-18](https://x.com/bitcoin_bugle/status/1935361130009862630) + +Palmer read Biden's ABC News interview as a man briefly seeing through to the [[memes/paper-bitcoin|paper-bitcoin]] endgame — the caption is doing a lot of work over the reaction shot: + +> "Joe Biden catching a glimpse the future under hyper-paperbitcoinization during his ABC News interview" — [@rodpalmerhodl, 2025-07-02](https://x.com/rodpalmerhodl/status/1940441470311501859) + + + +By late 2025 "joe biden" had hardened into a full unit of impairment, invoked twice in one October thread to grade a debate performance — "she sounded like joe biden off a tylenol pm." + +> "she sounded joe biden off a tylenol pm" — [@rodpalmerhodl, 2025-10-10](https://x.com/rodpalmerhodl/status/1976623782824739094) + +### Last-minute attacks on Bitcoin + +In the accounts' telling the President — or the handlers working the autopen — spends his final months in office aiming regulatory blows squarely at Bitcoin podcasters. The lame-duck cigarette ban framed sanctions as an attack on the medium itself: + +> "President Biden is attempting to ban non-kyc cigarettes before he leaves office, in a direct attack on Bitcoin podcasts 😡" — [@bitcoin_bugle, 2025-01-08](https://x.com/bitcoin_bugle/status/1877015674465202452) + + + +The custodial theme peaked with the reserves themselves walking out the door to Pyongyang — a clean fusion of Biden's cognitive file with the [[characters/kim-jong-un|Kim Jong Un]] strategic-reserve arc: + +> "Phishers from North Korea 🇰🇵 tricked Joe Biden into withdrawing 85% of U.S. Bitcoin reserves into wallets controlled by Kim Jong Un." — [@bitcoin_bugle, 2025-07-16](https://x.com/bitcoin_bugle/status/1945540162135392642) + + + +This is the same beat the news desk canonized earlier as his laser-eyed pivot — the Bugle announced the podcast launch straight: + +> "Joe Biden Becomes Laser Eyed Podcaster, Joins #FixTheFilters Movement" — [@bitcoin_bugle, 2024-02-13](https://x.com/bitcoin_bugle/status/1757421815050457419) + +> irl: [Bitcoin's mempool](https://mempool.space) is the queue of unconfirmed transactions; "non-KYC" means without identity verification. #FixTheFilters was a real 2024 Bitcoin-dev fight over relaying Ordinals/spam. Biden never launched a podcast or lost any reserves; the North Korean-phisher and reserve-theft framings are invention. + +### The death-watch and the 9/11 bit + +A second cluster treats Biden as a body on a clock. The Bugle's flattest headline — reported with no elaboration — became a two-account running bit when Richard Greaser followed up the next day: + +> "BREAKING: Joe Biden Says He Will Be Doing 9/11 Tomorrow" — [@bitcoin_bugle, 2024-09-10](https://x.com/bitcoin_bugle/status/1833628277229162579) + +> "I'm still waiting for Joe Biden to do 9/11. What's the hold up here" — [@GreaserRichard, 2024-09-11](https://x.com/GreaserRichard/status/1833985313955610735) + +Palmer reached for the standard conspiracy cadence — + +> "Joe Biden didn't kill himself" — [@rodpalmerhodl, 2024-07-23](https://x.com/rodpalmerhodl/status/1815539987498279034) + +— and Greaser proposed monetizing the countdown, pairing the President against [[characters/ron-paul|Ron Paul]] before the window closed: + +> "Before they both die, I think Belator should setup a cage match between Ron Paul and Joe Biden" — [@GreaserRichard, 2025-09-19](https://x.com/GreaserRichard/status/1969020081150542178) + +### Biden as shorthand + +Beyond the diagnosis, the name works as pure reference. The Bugle offered it, unprompted, as an intimacy — + +> "Joe Biden is my safe word." — [@bitcoin_bugle, 2024-03-30](https://x.com/bitcoin_bugle/status/1773894874363789530) + +— and Greaser filed him first on a list of authorities rendered obsolete, alongside [[characters/anthony-fauci|Fauci]], [[characters/taylor-swift|Taylor Swift]], [[characters/joe-rogan|Joe Rogan]], [[characters/tucker-carlson|Tucker Carlson]], and [[characters/michael-saylor|Michael Saylor]]: + +> "IE Joe Biden formerly as president, Fauci as a health expert, Taylor Swift as a musician, Joe Rogan as the premiere podcaster..." — [@GreaserRichard, 2025-04-14](https://x.com/GreaserRichard/status/1911877781018890467) + +## Appearances + +### In the news (2) + +- [[news/ted-cruz-denounced-by-core-devs-after-suggesting-to-texify-bitcoin|Ted Cruz Denounced By Core Devs After Suggesting To Texify Bitcoin]] — 2023-03-07, invoked as tyranny +- [[news/joe-biden-brings-peace-to-inner-city-mempool|Joe Biden Brings Peace to Inner City Mempool]] — 2023-03-08, headline subject