Revision history · Character
Evan Kaloudis
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- bugle-ingest[bot] 2026-08-12 Ingest: 0 new episode(s) — raw sources + transcripts 32a9a2b
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diff --git a/wiki/characters/evan-kaloudis.md b/wiki/characters/evan-kaloudis.md new file mode 100644 index 00000000..5cf0b39f @@ -0,0 +1,204 @@ +--- +title: Evan Kaloudis +type: character +status: confirmed +portrait: /portraits/x-evan-kaloudis.jpg +aliases: + - Evan Kalupis + - Evan Kalupas + - Lupeze + - Evanford Ziswold + - Mister Columbus +discovered: mention-scan +sources: + - raw/episodes/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton/bundle.json + - raw/episodes/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18/bundle.json +--- + +> *Henry's note: rebuilt from the beat index — 44 beats across two episodes, coverage COMPLETE. The old page listed nine appearances from a name-match scan; the beats bear out only two, and the rest are dropped.* + +The creator of **Zeus Wallet**, and the Bugleverse's most agreeable Lightning +developer — a guest introduced as the man who "planted his flag" on the network +while his rivals ran from the state, and who spends both of his appearances +converting the show's every accusation into a product roadmap.[^summon] His +standing joke is that Zeus transactions fail, but the graphics are so good that +nobody minds; his standing virtue is that he agrees. He is not a Suitcoiner the +show shells from a distance but a friend it enjoys bullying — the guest who +inducts himself into the [[memes/40hpw|40 hours per week]] liturgy within ninety +seconds of arriving and means it.[^induct] + +Where [[characters/lubka|Lubka]] argues, Kaloudis capitulates. Told that the best +way to scale Bitcoin is [[memes/paper-bitcoin|paper Bitcoin]] and that he is a +fool for still doing "the Lightning stuff," he does not defend Lightning; he +announces that Zeus has already shipped paper-Bitcoin support because "I got +tired of you guys bullying me."[^cold][^tired] + +**In it with:** [[characters/richard-greaser|Richard Greaser]] · [[characters/rod-palmer|Rod Palmer]] · [[characters/rob-hamilton|Rob Hamilton]] · [[characters/matt-odell|Matt Odell]] · [[characters/pledditor|Pledditor]] · [[characters/dennis-porter|Dennis Porter]] · [[characters/shinobi|Shinobi]] · [[characters/jamie-dimon|Jamie Dimon]] · [[characters/paul-sports|Paul Sztorc]] · [[characters/murray-rothbard|Murray Rothbard]] + +**Arc:** [[storylines/paper-bitcoin-menace]] · [[storylines/revolution-wont-have-good-ux]] · [[storylines/behind-the-podcast]] · [[storylines/ten31-portfolio]] · [[storylines/core-vs-knots-war]] + +## Scaling with paper Bitcoin (2025) + +His first appearance is the [[episodes/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton|paper-Bitcoin episode]], alongside +[[characters/rob-hamilton|Rob Hamilton]]. [[characters/richard-greaser|Greaser]]'s +cold open sets the doctrine — "the best way to scale Bitcoin is with, paper +Bitcoin. So he's still doing the Lightning stuff"[^cold] — and Kaloudis's entire +character is established in his answer: rather than argue, he concedes that Zeus +has capitulated and shipped paper-Bitcoin support.[^tired] + +The concession opens onto a business plan. Kaloudis lays out a **mint** whose +model is an explicit rug: funnel users in, let the balance go up and to the +right, buy Bugle coverage, and then exit. "We get the good folks at the bugle +just singing our high praises, and then we rug"[^rug] — the rug reframed, in the +following cue, as "when the investors are made full again." Unlike the regular +Zeus wallet, he notes, these transactions are going to go through. He declines to +name his backers but floats "people like Jamie Dimon, another fellow Greek, or, +you know, the Blackstone, BlackRock guys."[^rug] + +The rug becomes the pretext for two of the show's running purity bits. When +[[characters/rod-palmer|Rod Palmer]] frames the money as +[[storylines/ten31-portfolio|ten31]] funding the Samourai fundraiser, Greaser +converts it into an [[characters/matt-odell|Odell]] defense — "anybody that's +being critical of Matt Odell needs to chill" — and Rod answers with the show's +reflexive rebuttal, "he's not grumpy."[^chill] A minute later the hosts apply the +[[characters/pledditor|Pledditor]] bit: the snitch is "on the case," has read +every SEC filing "going back to 1934," and is very critical of ten31, so how do +you structure a scam he won't find?[^pledder] Kaloudis does not know who Pledditor +is, so the hosts explain him from first principles — the *To Catch A Predator* +parsing of the name — before landing on the worse revelation that he is "a +redditor," an "Apex Redditor."[^redditor] + +Two coinages survive the episode. Kaloudis proposes **BugleNet** — that the Bugle +run its own Bitcoin network — and asks whether it can be made the default backend +for Zeus "since we're adding paper Bitcoin"; Greaser agrees on the grounds that +"the graphics are probably cooler than whatever Tali's making."[^buglenet] The +network bookends the show: eighty minutes later, the fix for Zeus's failing +transactions is "Bugle net support," "and we'll be cooking with gas."[^buglenet2] +And, invoking [[characters/jack-kruse|Jack Kruse]]'s theory that windowless +casinos ruin gamblers' mitochondria, he coins the **cigarette citadel** — Fremont +allows smoking at the blackjack tables, so nicotine restores the gamblers and +produces the strongest gamblers in Vegas, unlike the segregated Strip.[^citadel] + +The room also shares a tub of his cherry-flavoured creatine on stream — claimed by +Rob as "the first communal creatine on a Bitcoin podcast ever" — which runs as the +episode's physical throughline and gets blamed for every subsequent +escalation.[^creatine] + +## Pressure creates good UX (2025) + +His second appearance is a full turn on +[[episodes/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18|Behind the Podcast]], +where he is summoned with a storm pun and given the standing epithet of the +lightning-wallet man.[^summon] He inducts himself into the +[[memes/40hpw|40 hours per week]] bit at once, claiming the Bugle as "part of my +forty hours a week,"[^induct] and reveals he had turned down the concurrent +Bitcoin Policy Institute summit in DC to record with the show instead — "I told +him to buzz off" — because their price wasn't being hit.[^buzzoff] He is +established as an attendee of the Bugle's own +[[events/satirize-the-system|Satirize the System]] event in Vegas, where a flying +midget crashed into him and spilled his beer; he asks that it be on the record +that it was "not most of the beer."[^satirize] + +The episode's title thesis is his design philosophy. Asked how he handles the +pressure of a live demo failing, Kaloudis says he "made sure that the graphics +still look fucking awesome" when the transaction fails[^goodux] — a position Rod +distills as "if you're gonna make me wait in the lobby, at least give me +art."[^art] He literalizes "lowering your time preference" as a Zeus settings +toggle, raising the payment timeout to eight minutes so "the transaction goes +through one way or the other,"[^timeout] and closes on the tagline "the wallet +that can handle the pressure" — because the developer behind it can.[^pressure] + +Two policy arcs run through the episode. The first is a **vape purge**: asked what +would make him adopt the show's own [[storylines/core-vs-knots-war|Bugle Core]] +node — which he says he has read the code for[^bugcore] — he answers that "we all +think vaping is gay" and requests a node that filters out peers who vape, +accepting the lost revenue from Zeus users who vape.[^vape] Cigarette smokers, +cigars, and ZYN are exempt. The purge names its target when Greaser traces the +conviction to standing near [[characters/shinobi|Shinobi]]'s vape cloud[^shinobi] +and proposes that the [[characters/donald-trump|Trump]] administration deport the +vapers rather than the Mexicans — which Kaloudis endorses "100%," because it +"fuels the circular economy."[^deport] The second is a running HR conspiracy: a +[[characters/jamie-dimon|JP Morgan]] fantasy in which the hosts are hired as the +bank's Bitcoin comms guys and Greaser abolishes HR by chainsaw on day +one,[^chainsaw][^jpm] which Kaloudis converts, in his sign-off, into a Zeus +feature — "Zeus doesn't have an HR department, so that's just working in our +favor" — hoping to "exit before the time Zeus needs HR."[^hr] + +Along the way he supplies most of the episode's coinages. He upgrades Greaser's +"alpha orange piller" for [[characters/dennis-porter|Dennis Porter]] to "The Apex +orange pillar," having answered that a Porter mayoralty would return Times Square +"to its pornographic roots";[^porter][^apex] he names [[characters/paul-sports|Paul +Sztorc]]'s drivechain "the gayest" L2 on offer;[^gayest] and he identifies +[[characters/matt-odell|Odell]]'s permanently over-unbuttoned shirt as a tactical +opening ("you can get in there, dude"), while formally disclaiming any endorsement +of violence.[^unbutton] His grievance against the Bitcoin-policy world is +[[characters/cynthia-lummis|Senator Lummis]], who went to PubKey after the policy +summit and "pays with cash" rather than run a transaction over Zeus.[^lummis] + +The show's fixed liturgy is administered to him in full: asked "are you Jewish?" — +"arguably the most important" question — he answers that he is Greek Orthodox but +"part of me wishes I was";[^jewish] the "fire question" about the Bitcoin needed to +remodel a wife's kitchen in fifteen years he answers at 200 sats, which Greaser +immediately weaponizes as proof the audience is over-saving.[^fire] In the boost +segment he crowns [[characters/piez|Piez]] "the OG of 40 HPW,"[^piezog] and reads +[[characters/open-mike|Open Mike]]'s mile-high boost stacking the 40HPW quota and +Satirize the System into one line.[^openmike] + +His two confessions round out the record. His audibly distressed dog is named +**Murray Rothbark** — a gold bug who dislikes Bitcoin podcasts, named for +[[characters/murray-rothbard|Murray Rothbard]], who "if he was alive today, he'd +probably be a Bitcoiner."[^dog] And, asked for something never before shared on a +Bitcoin podcast, he reveals he appears as an extra in a Stavros Halkias comedy +skit filmed in a Greek restaurant in Astoria — withheld until now because he had a +corporate cybersecurity job.[^extra] + +## Note on the name + +The ASR cannot spell him. Across the two episodes he is introduced as **Evan +Kalupas** and **Evan Kalupis**, and degrades from there into **Lupeze**, +**Evanford Ziswold**, and **mister Columbus** — none of them "Kaloudis." The +`aliases:` carry the variants so the next pass keeps him. (His dog, "Murray +Rothbark," is not an alias for the man; the human he is named for is +[[characters/murray-rothbard|Murray Rothbard]].) + +> irl: Evan Kaloudis is the real founder and lead developer of Zeus, an +> open-source Lightning and on-chain Bitcoin wallet — which is why the satire can +> hand him a self-rugging paper-Bitcoin mint and a vape-filtering node without +> having to explain that his real product does neither. + +[^summon]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-24|BTP 18 @ 0:24]] — "Today, we are summoning the storm as Evan Kalupas joins us, the creator of Zeus Wallet." The rivals named are "Phoenix, Breeze, Wall Of Satoshi." +[^induct]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-89|BTP 18 @ 1:29]] — "regularly, part of my forty hours a week." +[^cold]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-91|Bugle Weekly, Scaling With Paper Bitcoin @ 1:31]] — the cue opens "He he works on the Lightning Network." +[^tired]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-103|@ 1:43]] — Rob Hamilton: "Dude, you don't Zeus just added paper Bitcoin support." Kaloudis at t-107: "I got tired of you guys bullying me." +[^rug]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-911|@ 15:11]] — "and then we rug" is its own cue at t-914; "made full again" follows at t-916; the Jamie Dimon / Blackstone floats are at t-994. +[^chill]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-976|@ 16:16]] — Greaser; Rod's "He's not grumpy" answer at t-981. ASR writes ten31 as "ten thirty one" and Samourai as "samurai." +[^pledder]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-1044|@ 17:24]] — "these deals so that they don't get outed by Pledder? Because Pledder is on the case." The "1934" line is at t-1039. This is Pledditor, not Odell (who was the subject a minute earlier); the episode mangles him five ways — Plenator, Pledger, Pledder, Pleb Predator, Plebitor. +[^redditor]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-1057|@ 17:37]] — "Plebitor. Plebitor is a predator for yammers." The "He's a redditor" reveal is at t-1062; "Apex Redditor" at t-1077. +[^buglenet]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-225|@ 3:45]] — "BugleNet, maybe?" The default-into-Zeus ask is at t-247; Greaser's Tali-graphics agreement at t-258. No BugleNet page exists yet. +[^buglenet2]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-4772|@ 1:19:32]] — "Bugle net support," finishing at t-4775 "and we'll be cooking with gas." +[^citadel]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-1298|@ 21:38]] — "Some might call it a cigarette citadel, if you will." The mitochondria premise (Jeremy, invoking "doctor Jack Cruz") is at t-1275; the Fremont line at t-1288. +[^creatine]: [[transcripts/scaling-with-paper-bitcoin-ft-21-media-evan-kaloudis-and-rob-hamilton#t-797|@ 13:17]] — "I think it's the first communal creatine on a Bitcoin podcast ever." Greaser's purity test ("He just brought it for the stream") at t-331. +[^buzzoff]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-1272|BTP 18 @ 21:12]] — "I'm not gonna be recording the show fucking down in DC. So I told him to buzz off." Framed in value-for-value terms at t-1298: "my price isn't being hit." +[^satirize]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-103|BTP 18 @ 1:43]] — "You came to satirize the system." The beer defense is at t-116. +[^goodux]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-1886|BTP 18 @ 31:26]] — "I made sure that the graphics still look fucking awesome"; completed at t-1891 "when the transaction fails." +[^art]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-2003|BTP 18 @ 33:23]] — Rod: "if you're gonna make me wait in the lobby, at least give me art." +[^timeout]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-1953|BTP 18 @ 32:33]] — Rod at t-1978 protests he meant lowering time preference "metaphorically"; Kaloudis: "physically, literally." +[^pressure]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-5703|BTP 18 @ 1:35:03]] — Rod: "The wallet that can handle the pressure." Kaloudis at t-5716: "We wanna make you feel like a god." +[^bugcore]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-1551|BTP 18 @ 25:51]] — "Have you ever considered running Bugle Core?" Kaloudis at t-1554: "I took a look at the code." Bugle Core has no page yet. +[^vape]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-1634|BTP 18 @ 27:14]] — "we all think vaping is gay." The lost-revenue concession is at t-1657. +[^shinobi]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-3443|BTP 18 @ 57:23]] — "ever hang around Shinobi and get a vape cloud in your face?" Kaloudis at t-3454: he hangs with him only "under professional pretenses." +[^deport]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-3503|BTP 18 @ 58:23]] — "he's gotta go and deport the vapers." Kaloudis at t-3507: "Yeah. 100%"; the "circular economy" line at t-3494. +[^chainsaw]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-3165|BTP 18 @ 52:45]] — Greaser: "On day one, I'd walk in with a chainsaw"; "HR would be fucking gone" at t-3173. +[^jpm]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-3146|BTP 18 @ 52:26]] — "maybe you get a Rod Palmer or Dick Greaser that just do comms for the crypto shit at JPMorgan." Withdrawn at t-3157 over insufficient cigarette output. +[^hr]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-5764|BTP 18 @ 1:36:04]] — "Zeus doesn't have an HR department, so that's just working in our favor too." Preceded by "Fuck paper Bitcoin unless it's Cashew" (t-5758); the exit-before-HR hope at t-5788. +[^porter]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-527|BTP 18 @ 8:47]] — "Times Square would be back to its pornographic roots." +[^apex]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-612|BTP 18 @ 10:12]] — "The Apex orange pillar." "orange pillar" is ASR for "orange piller"; Greaser's "alpha" setup at t-609. +[^gayest]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-2339|BTP 18 @ 38:59]] — "Paul Storzick's strike chain is probably the gayest to me." ASR for Paul Sztorc; he cites "BIP three hundred" at t-2412 confirming the referent. +[^unbutton]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-2547|BTP 18 @ 42:27]] — "Matt always has, like, one button too many unbuttoned on his shirt. You can get in there, dude." Odell resolved from context (the tallow chest-hair follow-up at t-2571); the disclaimer at t-2559. +[^lummis]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-1185|BTP 18 @ 19:45]] — "she pays with cash. And she's like, I'm spending my dollars and I'm holding my Bitcoin." The "what does this bitch do?" build-up is at t-1181. +[^jewish]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-3958|BTP 18 @ 1:05:58]] — "are you Jewish?" Kaloudis at t-3963: "I am a Greek, Greek Orthodox, but part of me wishes I was." +[^fire]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-4191|BTP 18 @ 1:09:51]] — the kitchen question; Kaloudis raises Greaser's 100 sats to 200 at t-4213, and Greaser concludes "You don't need to be saving that fucking heart" at t-4216. +[^piezog]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-5072|BTP 18 @ 1:24:32]] — "Pies the OG of 40 HPW." ASR spells Piez as "Pies"/"Pyz." +[^openmike]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-4628|BTP 18 @ 1:17:08]] — "Bugle Mile High Club squeezing in my forty hours per week on route to satirize the system." +[^dog]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-224|BTP 18 @ 3:44]] — "His name's, Murray Rothbark." The "he'd probably be a Bitcoiner" line is at t-230; ASR also renders the dog "Marie Bonk" at t-248. +[^extra]: [[transcripts/pressure-creates-good-ux-with-evan-kaloudis-btp-episode-18#t-5577|BTP 18 @ 1:32:57]] — "I was an extra for this skit in this Greek restaurant in Astoria." ASR renders Stavros Halkias as "Stavros Hakias"; the skit is "Bad Life Decisions" (t-5574).